Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.