imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need a burrito and a hug.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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