ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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