pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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