Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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