hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
