my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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