my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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