Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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