Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
