He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
