I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
