I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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