Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.