the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.