smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk