Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
