My balls are so social today.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
