I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
