tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
