just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
