I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
