Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
