I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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