I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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