try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
