so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
