I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
