Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
