If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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