She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
