2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
