Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
