and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She announced her abortion via fbk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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