Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
