3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by