I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK