Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.