guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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