suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE