We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one