He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
