ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
