It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
