i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My dick has a subreddit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
