I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
