we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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