kristin has been a bad kristin
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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