Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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