I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
