So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
