1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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