i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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