yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
