return my video game
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
