the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize