I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
