Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
