u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
