you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
