wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
