dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
