I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
