next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
