gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
