When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
