So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
