A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
