I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
