the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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