You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
