Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
