it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
