I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
