6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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